Monday, December 02, 2013

LEXOPHILE ~ Lover of Words

Have done some posts on PUNS, but this one is a little different. 


One thing you will not see me doing is a blog post on NUMBERS.

Thanks to Mary for giving me the idea.


THIS IS A TYPICAL “COPY CAT” POST.  NOT A ONE OF THESE IS MY ORIGINAL.

However, I did make the first one different to make it sound personal.

1.     I have a photographic memory, but it was never developed.

2.     I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

3.     Police were called to a day care, where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

4.     The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference.

5.     To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

6.     When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.

7.     The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

8.     A thief who stole a calendar… got twelve months.

9.     A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.

10.  Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.

11.  When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U. C. L. A.

12.  The professor discovered that his theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.

13.  The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

14.  If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.

15.  A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

16.  A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is two tired.

17.  A will is a dead giveaway.

18.  Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

19.  A backward poet writes inverse.

20.  In a democracy it’s your vote that counts; in feudalism, it’s your Count that votes.

21.  A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

22.  If you don’t pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

23.  With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

24.  Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I’ll show you A-flat miner.

25.  When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

26.  The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

27.  A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France and resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.

28.  You are stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.

29.  Local Area Network in Australia : The LAN down under.

30.  He broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.

31.  A calendar’s days are numbered.

32.  A boiled egg is hard to beat.

33.  A plateau is a high form of flattery.

34.  Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

35.  When you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall.

36.  If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.

37.  Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

38.  Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.

39.  Acupuncture: a jab well done.

40.  A lot of money is tainted: ‘Taint yours, and ‘taint mine.
 

1 comment:

  1. Ha ha! (only I didn't understand #33; I'm sure it's obvious and I'm just having a brain freeze.)

    ReplyDelete